I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
