Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
