If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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