Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
