i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
