Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
