I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
