I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
