yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
