what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
