I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
