i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
