I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
