that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
