she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
