its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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