at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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