does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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