I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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