Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
