I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
