dude i'm inner monologue high
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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