tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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