Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
