i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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