I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
