I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize