hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
