I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
