I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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