Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
