I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
