Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I want her autograph on my taint
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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