you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
