shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
