how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
