her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
