I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
