the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
