just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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