All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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