Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
