apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
