We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
