I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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