I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
