so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
