There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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