She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
