i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
